Even if you’ve never played Dungeons and Dragons, you probably know that the gameplay is much more involved than simple board games like Chess. DND, as it’s often called, is a Tabletop Role Playing Game (TTRPG) where players act out and even voice characters they custom made. DND usually has 3-5 players and the game is directed by a Dungeon Master. The DM is part referee, part storyteller who voices and acts on behalf of enemies, non-player characters, and most other non-party story characters. So…what does all this have to do with you living your best life? I’m so glad you asked. Let’s take a closer look at this game to highlight key insights into successful living in these modern times.
It’s no secret that our world is rapidly changing, and the rapid rate of change, coupled with what feels like unending uncertainty causes many people to worry about the future. We commonly hear phrases like “the world is crazy right now” and watched as celebrities relocate to foreign countries and citizens protest. Addiction and homelessness have both skyrocketed, and people feel overwhelmed by the constant deluge of content from social media, news, and political parties. Against the backdrop of challenges like these, we need solutions that aren’t just slick marketing or more empty promises. So allow me, a living breathing DND Cleric myself, to share with you how the key concepts of DND changed my life, and how those same concepts will help you.
My Story
The year was 2023. We had made it through COVID-19 and everyone was longing for a sense of normality. I had just accepted a new position with a California-based company and I should have felt very hopeful. After all, this new job was with a group of people I had personally worked with in a previous role at a different company. Everything seemed to be right, but something felt wrong. Very wrong.
I will never forget sitting in my recliner one evening that winter and chatting with my oldest son, Jake. Now it is important for you to know that Jake is a successful DND Dungeon Master who is regarded as a bit of a local celebrity. He owns practically every DND book in print and knows the content, the lore, the backgrounds, and also DMs some amazing games every week.
For some reason that particular night I was sharing my concerns about how I wasn’t comfortable trying to make everyone happy, even though my new manager was telling me I needed to do. It just seemed so unauthentic to me, but I was flummoxed as to why I felt that way. I mentioned that while I am devout in my beliefs, I saw the problems with modern churches, education, and much more, and that I understood these systems do more harm than good. That’s when Jake responded, “It’s no wonder you feel that way. You’re clearly a Cleric. You are a Cleric, like from DND!”
When I asked him to clarify what he meant, Jake disappeared downstairs and then came back with a Dungeons and Dragons Players Handbook 5e Edition in his hands. What he shared with me for the next hour, and over the next few days, changed everything! Here is what I learned.
Everything Begins With Personal Identity
Every single person who plays DND begins by first creating their character. DND players jot down their unique traits and skills on their player sheet because this information will be used throughout gameplay. This sheet is not primarily about the characters personality, but more about how that character functions, as in what they excel at, what they struggle to do, and what their proficiencies are.
This one concept is the reason for much of the suffering and angst of our modern world. Most of us grew up learning to be what someone else wanted or demanded we be, and we have lived this way for so long it’s likely we feel confused about who we really are.
The concept of personal identity is so popular that according to a 2023 article in the NY Times, some 100 million workers worldwide take psychometric tests, meaning tests designed to study personality and aptitude. It seems companies and individuals both grasp that knowing one’s personal identity and key characteristics is vitally important. So why are so many workplaces still toxic and why aren’t we all living in relational nirvana? Because the systems we use to quantify and qualify identity are questionable at best. Further, none are directly linked to our internal mindsets. Instead, we find ourselves forcing the concepts they bring forward like the four-letter ENTJ stuff that no one likely remembers, or the cryptic guilt and shame that comes with these tests.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying personal identity isn’t important. I am saying it is of the utmost and vital importance, but that how we currently identify in Western society is too varied and not relatable to 80% of the people out there. Also, concepts like Type A and introversion and extroversion have been largely debunked. We all know Type A’s who are wonderful and fun, and we have all seen shy quiet people succeed wildly. So why are we still measuring and highlighting the things that don’t truly tell us how to succeed?
At the end of the day, you don’t give two bits about how shy or outgoing you are. What you care about is how to be your best, most authentic self AND how to succeed wildly in every area of your life while being your self! The answers to your questions begin with understanding who you really are; knowing your most authentic and truest self, your identity.
There Are No Lone Rangers
The American Dream is a popular phrase, but what is it and is it actually true? A quick Google search highlights basic confusion and disagreement around what the Dream really is. This Wikipedia article describes the American Dream as follows:The ethos today implies an opportunity for Americans to achieve prosperity through hard work.aligns to a DND-type character.
While hard work was once the key component to achieving the life of our dreams, we now know working hard is no guarantee of success. Among other things it takes savvy, resilience, and often teamwork to build and launch our dream lives. And yet the media still pumps out messaging that leads us to believe there are self made millionaires and leaders, even though our minds know this to be false.
Billionaires like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk are paraded in front of us as role models of success with little to no mention of the thousands of people who worked to help them succeed. Even though we know this, our Western mindset is all about personal responsibility. You probably woke up this morning feeling the pressure to deliver or the desire to succeed, and you know the weight of the responsibility to go make it happen.
Sure, we talk about teamwork and say we believe we work in teams, but true teamwork is rare except in college & professional sports. Companies that encourage teamwork also run internal competitions that pit coworkers against each other. Most preach the value of teams and then tolerate gossip, slandering,
I know this may sound far-fetched, but before you give in to the urge to stop reading, remember that at one time the light bulb was also a delusional idea. Now it is an everyday convenience we take for granted.
As we looked more closely at my specific character class, the light bulb that went on for me is that I was who I am by design. I already knew I had strengths and weaknesses, but what I learned about the character classes is that they each have unique traits that make them better suited to handling certain specific social situations and challenges but leave them somewhat handicapped in others. That looked and sounded eerily similar to my coworker and family relationships, and seemed to account for how many people show up.
I have been curious about my own identity for many years and have bookshelves full of self-help and business management books. I have read most of them, but they all seemed to speak in circles. They were selling work harder, figure everyone out, learn how to manipulate people and situations and then enjoy the success. Others were simply selling the cult of personality, which I felt wasn’t for me. I longed to be authentic and successful at the same time. In trying to understand myself better, I have personally taken numerous personality tests. Yet I consistnely found 2 key things that always concerned me.
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It is too easy to manipulate the answers in these tests, so the results are inaccurate
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Most tests put significant emphasis on personality traits such as introversion vs. extroversion, analytical vs. creative, controlling vs. fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants, etc.
You have seen people with each of these different types of personalities succeed wildly, so it is clear personality traits are not the core indicators of any guarantee of success or failure. Knowing this, I was constantly looking out for a better way, and now I had found it!
The Proof of Concept
Jake shared how he had asked a group of his friends a series of questions to determine each person’s character class. Almost all them have played DND before and confirmed that they agreed with his analysis of their individual classes.
In the game, the character class determines key strengths and weaknesses, yet leaves things like personality traits more to the player’s discretion. That got me thinking. What if every person understood what they are intrinsically good and bad at, and what if we all felt comfortable asking for help with our weakest areas? How would the world be different?
Insight 2: The Party Concept
Games like DND are best played with groups of three or more players who agree upon a common goal, regardless of the background or individual goals of their specific characters. This is the party concept where adventurers understand that they cannot accomplish their missions alone and that they need other characters to help them. This leads to cooperative gameplay where each character operates using their best abilities.
In the 1980s TV Show The A-Team, one of the characters was called “Faceman”. This was the character who excelled at influencing and persuading other people. Yet he didn’t fly the planes because the most experienced pilot in the group was Howling Mad Murdock. Murdock would make a terrible influencer, and Faceman would make a terrible pilot. Only by working together with each team member doing their best could they succeed at their mission.
American Football is also a great example. An offensive line of genetic giants protects whoever has the ball, but very seldom runs the ball except during fumble recovery. Why? Because those linemen are physically better suited to protecting than running, passing, or kicking the football. In the same way, quarterbacks are not usually the best blockers. Even though they can block, the quarterback’s arm has to be protected because their biggest threat to the competing team is the long pass to an open receiver. In other words, each player needs to do his best because his team is relying upon him and cannot perform his role as well as he can.
You know you have weaknesses so why hasn’t anyone provided you and your family members, friends, and coworkers with any easy to understand system of strengths and weaknesses so you can work together?